


(heto ako) nariyan ka pa ba

by theyeoltimate



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Break Up, Break Up / Make Up, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Post-Break Up, Romance, Slice of Life, Time Skips, almost lovers, friends to almost lovers
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25785391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyeoltimate/pseuds/theyeoltimate
Summary: Akala ni Baekhyun noon, pinakanakakatakot na sa pagmamahal ang mawalan. It has always been the fear of losing that held him back kapag feelings na ang usapan. Pero nang iniwan siya ni Chanyeol, he realized that the most terrifying thing about love is not losing, butalmost having.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 11
Kudos: 59
Collections: Narito Kami 2020 Fic Fest





	(heto ako) nariyan ka pa ba

**Author's Note:**

> Ilang buwan din na ang fic na ito ang nagsilbing pahinga ko mula sa totoong mundo. Sana ay maging pahinga at paghinga rin ito para sa inyo.  
>   
>  _Para ito sa labindalawang espesyal na mga tao, (kilala niyo na kung sino kayo)—  
>  salamat sa pagiging lunas at lakas at liwanag._  
>   
> Ang pamagat ng fic ay mula sa kanta ng Up Dharma Down na "[Anino](https://open.spotify.com/track/4KmkG7fVe8bNBUpCbKCdJQ?si=kRXoIwr6R6yOKRSBQWBqFQ)."  
>   
>  _Heto ako, nakatayo sa iyong harapan.  
>  Heto ako, handa na atang masaktan.  
> Heto ako, hindi na magpapapigil pa.  
> Heto ako, nariyan ka pa ba?_

“Good morning!” malakas na bati ni Jongdae sa kaibigan kahit halos limang hakbang pa ang layo nito sa kanya.

“Good morning,” sagot ni Baekhyun, “Deretso school na ba tayo?”

Ugali ng dalawang matalik na magkaibigan na sina Jongdae at Baekhyun na magtagpo tuwing umaga sa waiting shed sa tapat ng subdivision nina Jongdae. Malapit lang din kasi ang bahay nina Baekhyun dito kaya mula noong na-discover nilang parehas silang nag-ispecial trip sa tricycle tuwing umaga noong second sem ng first year nila, nagdecide ang dalawa na magkita nalang at sabay pumasok. At syempre, as much as possible, sabay na rin silang umuuwi. Sayang din ang natitipid nilang tig-fifty pesos everyday.

Mula rin noon, hindi na mapaghiwalay ang dalawa. They make it a point na every sem, kung hindi man parehas ay almost same ang schedules na makukuha nila. Kung nasaan si Baekhyun, nandoon si Jongdae, at kung nasaan si Jongdae, malamang nandoon din si Baekhyun. And of course, pati ang isa pa nilang matalik na kaibigan na si Kyungsoo. Kung tutuusin nga, sabit lang talaga si Baekhyun sa friendship noong una dahil mula pa talaga simula ay mag-bestfriends na sina Kyungsoo at Jongdae, pero he couldn’t be happier na they easily let him in. The three of them have been a trio ever since and until now na nasa third year college na sila.

“Kakachat lang ni Soo sa group, sabay na raw sila ni Chanyeol. Siya na ata ang gigising.”

Although it was really Jongdae and Kyungsoo who Baekhyun considers as his _bestest_ friends, they are actually a barkada of five, together with Chanyeol and Sehun. It just kind of happened noong nagkaroon ng isang groupwork na form your own group of five people and the five of them just found each other sitting in what was supposed to be a circle of five desks. It’s not like they weren’t friends before that. Pare-parehas naman sila ng course and they’ve been classmates for two years na before that happened, pero it just made them closer to each other hanggang sa naging isa na talaga silang friend group. 

Tumango lang si Baekhyun, and watched Jongdae fiddle with his phone a little bit more habang nag-aabang sila ng tricycle.

“Until what time ka today?” tanong ni Jongdae sa kanya.

“Late na eh,” he answered. “Duty pa ako ‘til eight.”

Although parehas lagi ng schedule sa classes silang magkakaibigan, Jongdae has to wait for Baekhyun all the time kung gusto nilang sabay umuwi. Working scholar kasi si Baekhyun, and madalas ay may duty pa ito after classes.

“Hintayin kita,” sagot ni Jongdae. “Mag-aral nalang din ako.”

Baekhyun grew up believing na matalino siya. He used to think na he’s better than normal people in terms of academics and studies, but college proved him wrong. Being a working scholar who has to maintain decent grades on top of juggling class time with work, he realized na he doesn’t really have so much of an edge. Not to mention the difficulty and pressure brought by his chosen program. It’s not like he can chill and let himself fail and retake a subject. For one, retakes are not covered by his scholarship, and secondly, a grade lower than 80 meant he has to shift. He believes it is a blessing having friends who are just as conscious about their grades as he is and who work hard as well. It influences him to do his best and adds up just the right and healthy amount of pressure within him.

Jongdae, on the other hand, considers himself a very average student. May pagka-grade conscious siya pero hindi naman niya nakikita ang sarili niya as a _very_ matalino person like Kyungsoo (na isang academic scholar) or a _normal_ na matalino like Baekhyun. In surviving the Accountancy program, puro sipag lang talaga ang naging puhunan niya. And somehow, nakatulong sa kanya na sa library naka-duty ang kaibigan kasi nakakaaral siya habang hinihintay ito.

Hearing Jongdae say that brought relief to Baekhyun. Madalas naman talaga siyang hinihintay ng kaibigan para sabay silang umuwi, but of course he can’t always expect the other to wait for him sa halip na mauna nang umuwi at makapagpahinga.

When they arrived sa classroom nila, wala pa si Kyungsoo, pero lagi naman itong buzzer beater. Nagdodorm lang kasi ang kaibigan sa tapat ng school nila like Chanyeol. The friendship really worked well for them kasi hindi sila nawawalan ng kasama literally. _Hanggang pag-uwi._ Hindi man kasing lapit ang bahay ni Sehun kina Baekhyun at Jongdae, same way pa rin ang dadaanan nito katulad ng dalawa kaya madalas kasabay rin nila itong umuwi. Jackpot din for the two ‘pag dala ni Sehun ang sasakyan kasi ibig sabihin makakakuha sila ng free ride home. Tuwing weekend naman, kung magkakataong parehas silang uuwi, ay sabay bumabyahe pa-Laguna sina Kyungsoo at Chanyeol. And like Sehun, kung dala rin ni Chanyeol ang sasakyan ay ihahatid nya muna si Kyungsoo sa kanila bago dumeretso sa sariling bahay.

Baekhyun really considers himself lucky with his friends. And he hopes his friends feel the same about him, too.

When Kyungsoo arrived, he was alone.

“Morning, Soo,” Baekhyun greeted habang binababa ng kaibigan ang backpack sa desk sa tabi niya. “Si Yeol?”

“Hay nako,” sagot ng kaibigan habang nagpapaypay pa, pawis na pawis sa kaunting nilakad.

Naka-lean din si Jongdae sa desk ni Baekhyun, waiting for Kyungsoo to talk, kaso bago pa magsimula ang balita, dumating na agad ang prof nila.

“Kwento ko mamaya,” Kyungsoo said in a more hushed voice as they start getting their books for the lecture.

Two hours na Auditing Theory class na ang lumipas ay wala pa ring Chanyeol na nagpakita. Baekhyun thought na baka nagkayayaan lang ang dalawa ni Sehun na umabsent, pero nang pumasok si Sehun sa second period ng klase at bumulong na hindi raw tumunog ang alarm nya kaya siya na-late ay lalo lang nag-alala si Baekhyun para sa isa pang kaibigan.

He thought na baka papasok na ito sa second subject for the day na Financial Management, pero still, no signs of him. Habang nagrereport ang isang kaklase ay patagong nilabas ni Baekhyun ang kanyang cellphone at nagtype sa ilalim ng kanyang desk.

**baek-ed mac:**

wer u???

di ka na naman papasok?

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

grabe naman yung "naman"

unang absent ko to this sem!

**baek-ed mac:**

you know what i mean

pasok ka ba or???

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

baka di muna today.

sorry, may inaasikaso lang

**baek-ed mac:**

ano yan ha!!!

di ka nagsabi hmm

balik ka na naman ba sa dati ha

im sad :-(

umayos ka

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

wag na ikaw sad

may aayusin lang today

pasok ako bukas

promise!

Sineen lang ni Baekhyun ang kaibigan bago i-off ang mobile data nya para makaramdam man lang si Chanyeol na medyo nagtatampo pa rin sya sa pag-absent nito. 

Absences aren’t new pagdating kay Chanyeol. He used to max out all of the absences allowed for all of his subjects mula pa nung first year sila. Paano siya pumapasa? He never skips exam days. And doon siya bumabawi. Kung matalino si Kyungsoo, mas matalino si Chanyeol. Hindi lang talaga siya masipag. He can study in an hour, and top an exam na pinagpuyatang pag-aralan ni Baekhyun (where he’ll also pass, but just barely). In fact, may scholarship pa nga si Chanyeol noong first year sila for being one of the top scorers ng entrance exam ng school, but he lost it after a year dahil hindi niya na-maintain ang grade requirement.

But when they became friends, the trio believed na Chanyeol changed for the better. His grades did, too. Paano ba naman siya mag-aabsent kung kapitbahay niya lang sa dorm si Kyungsoo, at sinigurado nilang tatlo nina Baekhyun at Jongdae na araw-araw siyang papasok sa klase. Kulang nalang ay paliguan siya ng tatlo at bihisan para lang mapilitan siyang pumasok. At dahil madalas tambayan nina Kyungsoo at Jongdae ang library (madalas kakahintay kay Baekhyun or kahit walang duty si Baekhyun ay nandoon pa rin silang tatlo), nadamay na rin sila ni Sehun. 

Saulong-saulo na ni Baekhyun ang takbo ng utak ni Chanyeol. The last time na nag-absent siya nang hindi nagsasabi nang maayos sa barkada ay noong summer classes na nag-away ang parents niya. Nagulat din si Baekhyun na noong gabing ‘yon, noong kinumusta niya si Chanyeol na maghapong hindi nagrereply sa kanilang apat (at nawawala sa dorm according to Kyungsoo) ay nag-open up ito kay Baekhyun. Mula noon, si Baekhyun na lagi ang nakakausap nito tungkol sa mga bagay na wala siyang mapagsabihang ibang tao.

Lunch time came, at nasa table na sa cafeteria sina Baekhyun (na may baon) at Kyungsoo (na namili ng tindahan na kaunti lang ang tao) at hinihintay nalang sina Jongdae at Sehun na nakisali sa marathon na pila para sa chicken curry.

“Kachat ko kanina si Chanyeol,” balita ni Baekhyun sa kaibigan, “May inaasikaso raw.”

Umirap si Kyungsoo, “Nag-away sila ni Hyerin.”

“Huh? Paano mo nalaman?”

Sakto namang dumating na si Jongdae at Sehun bago pa makapagsimula si Kyungsoo.

“Sabi ni Jongin,” sagot naman ni Kyungsoo, pertaining to Chanyeol’s roommate. “Galing daw don si Hyerin kagabi, kasama si Jieun, tapos ayon, nag-away raw eh.”

“Kaya pala nakasalubong ko si Hyerin kanina nung nag-CR ako, tapos ngingiti palang ako, umiwas na ng tingin!” kwento naman ni Jongdae.

Pasimpleng kinuha ni Baekhyun ang cellphone, at nagreply sa chat ni Chanyeol kanina.

**baek-ed mac:**

musta!!!

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

oks. daan ako school mamaya.

**baek-ed mac:**

why

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

study

daan ako sa’yo sa lib

**baek-ed mac:**

sTuDy lol

oki see you

Baekhyun wouldn’t admit it, but he felt relieved na magpapakita na si Chanyeol sa kanila mamaya. Kapag hindi okay si Chanyeol, he always chooses to be alone, kaya kapag nagpakita na siya, ibig sabihin he’s okay. Or at least he’s holding up well. There was a time before na halos isang linggo itong absent, and ayaw ni Baekhyun maulit ‘yon.

“Nagchat si Yeol,” Baekhyun told his friends, as he placed his phone back inside the pocket of his backpack. “Daan daw siya lib. Sasama ata mag-aral.”

After their classes for the day, dumeretso na ang apat sa library. Iniwan ni Baekhyun ang mga kaibigan sa ground floor, at dumeretso sya sa third floor, sa law library, kung saan siya naka-duty.

“Kuya Baek, si Kuya Chanyeol hinihintay ka kanina pa,” sabi ni Yuri habang tinuturo ang matangkad na lalaking naglalakad papunta sa counter.

Hindi na inayos ni Baekhyun ang pagkakapatong ng bag sa table nila, at lumapit na agad sa kung nasaan ang kaibigan na agad tumungo nang magkaharap na sila. Hindi alam ni Baekhyun kung kailan nagsimula pero naging ugali na kasi niyang guluhin ang buhok ni Chanyeol tuwing magkikita sila. Noong una, ayaw ni Chanyeol… hanggang sa nagkukusa na siyang tumungo na parang hinihintay niya mismong gawin ‘to ni Baekhyun.

“Kanina ka pa raw?” tanong niya rito. “Dapat pumasok ka na sa last subject.”

“‘Di rin abot. Mga forty-five minutes siguro?” sagot naman sa kanya nito, habang may kinakapa ito sa bag.

Pasimple nitong inabutan si Yuri ng cheesy mamon na ikinatuwa naman ng ka-duty ni Baekhyun.

“Bawal pagkain dito,” saway ni Baekhyun. “Library ‘to hoy!”

“Sssshhh,” saway ni Chanyeol sa kanya, sabay abot ng supot ng Red Ribbon, “Wag ka na sad.”

Hindi maintindihan ni Baekhyun pero parang kiniliti ang puso niya sa sinabi ng kaibigan.

“May suhol pa si Yuri ha,” sagot niya habang tinatago sa ilalim na drawer nila ang supot. “Hindi naman ‘yan magsusumbong! At ikaw, paano mo ‘to naipasok dito?”

“Diyan ako sa pinto ng third floor dumaan para walang guard, pinagbuksan ako ni Yuri kaya siya may mamon.”

Napailing nalang si Baekhyun. _Ibang klase talaga si Chanyeol._

* * *

Baekhyun didn't know how to feel days later nang malaman niyang break na sina Chanyeol at Hyerin, and worse? That Jongdae,Kyungsoo and Sehun already know, and they all chose not to tell him. Pero hindi niya maitanggi na deep down, mas nagtatampo siya kina Kyungsoo at Jongdae because Sehun's always been the type not to share things which he believe na hindi dapat sa kanya nanggagaling.

Nakaangkas sila ni Jongdae sa likod ng tricycle pauwi. Kani-kanina lang bago maghiwa-hiwalay ang barkada ay saka niya nalamang alam pala ng tatlo pang kaibigan ang break-up. At siya? Kay Hyerin niya pa nalaman.

"Sorry talaga, Baek," paulit-ulit lang na sabi ni Jongdae.

Sa totoo lang, hindi naman galit si Baekhyun. More on nagulat siya, and at the same time hindi niya maintindihan why it had to be intentionally kept from him.

"Okay nga lang," sagot niya. "Pero ba't naman 'di niyo sinabi? Tinanong ko pa naman si Yeol kagabi kung kumusta si Hyerin!"

Kinagat ni Jongdae ang pang-ibabang labi, tila nagdadalawang isip sumagot, but he did anyway.

"Sobrang close niyo kasi," sagot ni Jongdae. "Parang sa atin kasi, pinakacomfortable siya mag-open up sa'yo."

"What do you mean? Akala niyo ba sinabi na niya sa'kin?" Baekhyun asked, confused. “Or iniisip niyo na hayaang siya nalang magsabi sa’kin?”

Jomgdae shook his head.

"Hindi, pero kasi," he started again. "Nairita kami ni Kyungsoo sa kanya. Dahil don sa break-up. As in I couldn't even talk to him properly after ko malaman kasi naawa talaga ako kay Hyerin dahil ang gago ng kaibigan natin eh. And we felt like we can't tell you kasi baka lumayo ka rin sa kanya kahit saglit lang. And he needs you. Alam mo naman 'yon. Wala ‘yong ibang sasabihan kung may problema siya except you."

Baekhyun didn’t know how to answer. It’s not like magbabago ang tingin niya sa kaibigan after knowing his girlfriend broke up with him dahil three years later, hindi pa rin kayang ipakilala ni Chanyeol si Hyerin sa pamilya niya. Pero he knew he was also hurt for the girl, and he understands Hyerin has all the right to feel hurt about it kasi Chanyeol is not the type of person na magtatago ng mga tao sa buhay niya from his family. Kahit sina Baekhyun ay nakarating na kina Chanyeol a few times already. Minsan na ring dinala ni Chanyeol si Hyerin sa kanila, pero ni hindi raw ito pinakilala ng binata sa pamilya as anything more than a _groupmate_.

That night, he was contemplating kung itetext or ichachat ba niya si Chanyeol. Nagchat kasi sa kanya earlier si Hyerin para kumustahin ang kaibigan niya, at d’on niya nalaman na break na pala ang dalawa. When he decided to tell his friends, nagulat nalang siya na alam na ng mga ito, even Sehun. But he understands his friends. That matter has been settled na, ang kailangan niyang ayusin at the moment ay ang dalawang munting indecisive brain cells niya na nagtatalo kung dapat ba niyang kumustahin man lang si Chanyeol.

Matapos ang ilang compose-delete-revise-delete message, at dalawang kurap nalang bago siya magdesisyong hindi nalang muna niya kakausapin ang kaibigan, ay saka naman nag-vibrate ang cellphone niya para magnotify sa pagdating ng isang message.

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

hello

bakit gising ka pa

**baek-ed mac:**

hi

pano mo alam

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

kasi

color green pa yung bilog mo haha

**baek-ed mac:**

hmp

oh bakit mo ako ginugulo

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

busy ka?

wala lang

di ako makatulog eh

may sasabihin ako sayo

tanda mo ba dati nung nag-away kami ni hyerin tapos kinumusta mo ako

**baek-ed mac:**

hmm alin yan sa mga away nyo?

joke!

oo bakit! saan to papunta ha!

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

tinanong mo ako nun kung bakit ako nag-sstay

tapos di ako makasagot kaya tinanong mo ako kung masaya pa ako

sabi ko hindi ko alam

**baek-ed mac:**

HOY ANO TO 

BAT TAYO PAPUNTA DYAN

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

ngayon parang alam ko na sagot e

**baek-ed mac:**

…

u ok?

ay wrong question! bc ofc ure not.

pero what can i do to help?

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

usap lang

if di ka pa tutulog

and if ok lang

**baek-ed mac:**

para namang matitiis kita

ito pala talaga ang purpose ko in life

kaya ako ginawang madaldal ni lord

* * *

Maybe it all started that night. Or maybe way before pa, and both of them were just brushing the thought off. Either way, aminin man nina Chanyeol at Baekhyun o hindi, or mapansin man nila o hindi, everyone noticed na they became extra close lalo na nung maging single na si Chanyeol.

Hindi rin alam ng barkada nila kung nakatulong ba o hindi na nasaktuhang OJT nila ang summer after third year college, kaya halos lalong hindi na mapaghiwalay sina Chanyeol at Baekhyun.

“Hindi ba kayo nabobother kahit konti lang sa closeness nina Yeol at Baek?” Kyungsoo once asked Jongdae and Sehun.

“Hindi naman sa bothered, Soo. More like… worried?” sagot ni Jongdae. “Kasi syempre kakabreak lang nung isa, tapos hindi naman natin hawak kung anong iisipin ng ibang tao.”

"And not to mention na Baekhyun's not really telling us anything," Kyungsoo added.

“Ha, eh wala namang mali ah,” siguradong sagot naman ni Sehun. “Single naman parehas. Lampas na nga three-month rule. Saka friends lang naman sila.”

“I honestly don’t care about whatever-month rule pero, Se, sa tingin mo talaga friends lang sila?” tanong uli ni Kyungsoo.

“I mean, maybe there’s something more pero they’re both not acting on it naman. Lagi lang silang magkasama, and close pero hindi naman sila nag-aact as _sila_. Siguro alam lang natin kasi halata natin na may nagbago pero hindi naman sila naghoholding hands, hindi naman sila naglalandian sa harap natin,” Sehun explained.

“Okay, may point,” Jongdae agreed. “They really just… started caring more about each other.”

"And maybe hindi pa rin nila alam sa sarili nila," dagdag pa ni Sehun. "Alam niyo naman ang dalawang 'yon."

Kyungsoo nodded.

“Pero tingin ko talaga may feelings,” dugtong ni Kyungsoo.

“Ako rin,” pag-sang-ayon ni Sehun

“Tanga nalang magsasabing mukhang wala,” Jongdae confirmed.

There was even one time na nagtampo si Baekhyun kay Chanyeol tapos hindi alam ng tatlo ang nangyari. Inaya nalang bigla ni Baekhyun si Jongdae na mag-ice cream sa Family Mart sa baba ng condo kung saan sila nagsstay for their OJT. Ayaw pa raw kasi ni Baekhyun umakyat sa unit nila dahil nandun si Chanyeol. 

Baekhyun only decided na pumasok na sa unit nila nang magtext si Kyungsoo na wala siyang kasama dahil lumabas sina Sehun at Chanyeol. Dumeretso pa ito agad sa banyo para maligo, at kahit paulit-ulit sinasabi ni Kyungsoo na dapat magpahinga muna siya dahil masama mabasa ang katawan kapag pagod ay hindi ito nagpaawat. A few minutes later, narinig nalang nina Kyungsoo at Jongdae ang mga hikbi ng kaibigan na akala siguro nito ay matatakpan na ng tunog ng shower. Pagkatapos ay dumeretso na ito sa kama na pinaghahatian nila ni Jongdae, at nagtaklob ng kumot.

Baekhyun is a happy person. And a really strong one. Kahit pa tuwing tambak ang exams at assignments nila, atgagabihin ito sa pagduty sa library ay hindi nagpapakita si Baekhyun ng kahit anong sign na pagod or hindi na niya kaya. Kaya it really worried his bestfriends to see him like that. Jongdae and Kyungsoo both didn’t know what to do. Iniisip nilang lapitan at subukang suyuin, pero kahit tanungin man lang ito kung anong gustong hapunan ay takot na takot ang dalawa. They hated seeing Baekhyun like that.

Baekhyun hated it, too. Hindi rin kasi niya maintindihan kung bakit ang bigat ng pakiramdam niya. Napag-usapan kasi nilang dalawa ni Chanyeol na maggroceries sila ng araw na ‘yon. Pero masyado atang natuwa si Chanyeol na pagtripan siya kaya iniwan siya nito sa supermarket mag-isa. Nag-alala pa siya kay Chanyeol. Baka nawala lang ito? Or nakidnap o baka kung ano mang nangyari. Paano siya uuwi? Hihintayin ba niya si Chanyeol? Pero saan? Hanggang sa nagchat sa kanya ang kaibigan ng picture ng harapan ng condo unit nila na may message pang “Try natin kung maliligaw ka.”

It was a joke. A prank. Most of the time kaya naman ni Baekhyun sumakay sa mga ganon eh. But he hated how he was so affected by it. And he couldn’t even tell his friends kasi ang liit-liit na bagay pero ngumangawa siya dahil don. He didn’t even know kung anong dapat niyang gawin para maging okay.

And then Chanyeol and Sehun came home.

“Wala pa rin?” Sehun mouthed.

Umiling lang si Kyungsoo. Umupo naman si Chanyeol sa kamang katapat ng hinihigaan ni Baekhyun.

Kinuha ni Chanyeol ang cellphone sa bulsa at nagchat sa kaibigan.

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

sorry

:(

sorry na

pansinin mo naman ako oh

Sinadya ni Baekhyun na i-seen ang messages ng kaibigan para alam nitong nakikita niya, pero ayaw niyang magreply.

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

kain na tayo :-(

may dala kami ni sehun na pizza

kumakain na sina jongdae

Baekhyun wanted to reply pero he also wanted Chanyeol to know na talagang hindi niya gusto ‘yong ginawa ng kaibigan.

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

pagtabi nalang kita ilalagay ko sa loob ng microwave ha

initin mo nalang mamaya

Sa totoo lang, nagugutom na siya. Lunch pa ang huli niyang kinain at hindi nakakatulong na naaamoy niya ang pizza na dala ng mga kaibigan, pero kasi _nagtatampo siya_. Ibababa na sana ni Baekhyun ang cellphone niya at mag-eearphones para hindi marinig ang mga kaibigan niyang kumakain nang biglag umimik si Jongdae.

“Hoy, Chanyeol!” malakas na tawag ng kaibigan. “Bakit mo pinagdadamot ‘yang mojos! Ihain mo ‘yan dito!”

“Ha?” narinig ni Baekhyun ang gulat at parang hindi siguradong sagot ni Chanyeol. “Ano kasi-”

“Pahingi nga parang gusto ko rin,” sagot naman ni Kyungsoo.

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

sorry

kakainin na nila ang mojos

peace offering ko yun eh :(

bili nalang uli me bukas :(

pero 

sorry na :(

Napabangon si Baekhyun sa nabasa. Paborito niya ‘yon! Kanya pala eh! Bakit kakainin ng iba?!

Dere-deretso siyang naglakad papunta sa maliit nilang lamesa at kinuha ang bucket ng mojos at isang gravy mula sa table.

“Akin daw ‘to eh. Bili nalang kayo bukas,” sabi niya sa mga kaibigan. “Pagbigyan niyo na ako, malungkot ako eh.”

Tumango lang si Kyungsoo habang naglagay pa si Jongdae ng dalawang slice ng pizza sa bucket na bitbit ni Baekhyun.

“Oh meron kasing may-ari eh!” comment naman ni Sehun.

"Hindi naman sinabi ni Chanyeol!" pagdahilan ni Jongdae.

**baek-ed mac:**

wag mo na ulitin yon

di funny

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

yes po

sorry :(

**baek-ed mac:**

ok na

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

thank u

thank u mojos

**baek-ed mac:**

araw-araw kaya ako umiyak

para sa mojos

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

hoy ang pera ko

next time bff fries nalang bibilhin ko

patatas din yon

**baek-ed mac:**

ah may next time

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

hoy!

joke lang :(

And just like that, Baekhyun realized na it’s okay if he’s confused or if he hates himself or if he doesn’t know what to do to makes things better… because Chanyeol knows. He knows better than him.

* * *

  
It was during their fourth year, sa bahay nina Jongdae, habang nagccram ang lima para sa thesis nila na kailangan ng isubmit ang first complete draft kinabukasan, nang may nasabi si Chanyeol na hindi niya dapat sabihin… or more like hindi _pa_ niya dapat sasabihin.

“Baek, okay ka lang ba?” tanong ni Chanyeol habang may hinahanap sa bag niya.

Tumango naman si Baekhyun.

“Nap lang ako ten minutes,” sagot naman ni Baekhyun.

Chanyeol stood up at umupo sa sahig katapat ng sofa na hinihigaan ni Baekhyun. Dahan-dahan nitong hinawi ang buhok ng kaibigan, at hinawakan ang noo nito. Baekhyun’s breath hitched at the sudden touch, kaya agad na napamulat siya ng mata.

“Ang init mo,” Chanyeol said. “Bakit kasi sumunod ka pa?”

Agad hinawakan ni Baekhyun ang kamay ng kaibigan para alisin ito sa noo niya.

“Eh need na ‘to i-submit bukas. Saka okay lang naman ako, ayoko pa ring umuwi kanina.”

Sabay lumingon ang parehong nagtitimpla ng kape na sina Kyungsoo at Jongdae nang marinig ang sagot ni Baekhyun. 

“Anong ayaw mo pang umuwi kanina?” agad na tanong ni Kyungsoo. “Hindi ka ba sa bahay galing?”

Baekhyun bit his lip.

“Nagduty ka pa sa library kanina?” mahinang tanong ni Chanyeol.

Baekhyun didn’t know how to answer with words, and there’s no point trying to make excuses up or to lie now, so he just nodded.

“Gago,” Jongdae said. “Sa lagay mong ‘yan, nakapunta ka pa sa school? Eh gusto na nga kitang ipasundo?”

“Okay nga lang ako,” pag-ulit ni Baekhyun.

Chanyeol took a deep breath before answering.

“We told you not to come with us today kasi masama ang pakiramdam mo kanina. Pumayag lang kami na sumunod ka ngayong hapon because we thought nakapagpahinga ka, tapos sasabihin mo na galing ka sa school? Na nagrender ka pa rin ng duty sa lagay mo? Habang kam-”

“I’m sorry!” Baekhyun exclaimed, tears forming around his eyes. “I’m sorry na pinili ko pa rin pumasok kasi alam ko kapag pumunta ako rito papauwiin niyo lang din ako, so naisip ko papasok nalang ako sa duty. I should’ve just went here to help out sa thesis.”

“You know that’s not the point, Baek,” Kyungsoo said. “You’ve done a lot for this paper na. Saka konti nalang naman ‘yong need gawin. What we wanted was for you to rest. We weren’t mad kasi nagduty ka sa halip na tumulong. We’re like this kasi nagduty ka sa halip na magpahinga.”

Baekhyun was crying as he listened to Kyungsoo speak.

“Alam mo sa barkada natin, ikaw ‘yong dapat hindi nagkakasakit eh. Hindi ka nagsosoftdrinks, tapos lagi ka may baon na food. Matakaw ka rin sa water, pero sana ‘wag mo abusuhin ‘yong sarili mo physically,” Kyungsoo continued. "Healthy ka nga kumain, pero grabe ka naman magpakapagod."

The doe-eyed was about to say something more, but Chanyeol sighed heavily.

“How can I not want to take care of you when you’re like this?” the tallest of them suddenly said, nonchalantly.

Kyungsoo looked up at him while Jongdae, who was walking towards Baekhyun to calm him down, stopped in his tracks.

“What the hell?” were the only words that came out of Jongdae’s mouth.

Sakto namang biglang pumasok si Sehun na napag-utusan nilang bumili ng ice cream sa labas.

“Oh, bakit para kayong mga nalaglagan ng butiki?” Sehun said, deretso sa ref para ifreezer ang dala. “May hindi ba ako alam?”

None of them answered for a few seconds, but someone has to say something.

“Mukhang tayong lahat, Sehun,” Jongdae started, and then turned to Chanyeol, “May hindi ba _kami_ alam, Yeol?”

Chanyeol stood up without answering, grabbing Baekhyun’s hand as he walked.

“Iuuwi ko lang si Baek,” he simply said, as he picked the smaller’s backpack from the floor. “Balik ako agad.”

Jongdae and Kyungsoo didn’t get the chance to process what was happening, at si Sehun lang ang nakasagot para magsabi ng isang awkward at unsure na “ingat” sa dalawa.

Baekhyun’s head was spinning habang naglalakad sila ni Chanyeol palabas ng subdivision nina Jongdae. He did not know if it was because of his fever or dahil hindi pa rin nagsisink in sa kanya ang mga nangyari just minutes ago. It also didn’t help na hindi pa rin binibitawan ni Chanyeol ang pagkakahawak nito sa kamay niya.

Nang tanaw na nila ang guardhouse ng subdivision, Baekhyun felt Chanyeol’s grip on his hand tighten. He was about to complain that it was starting to hurt when Chanyeol stopped walking.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol called, turning to look at the smaller. “I know you probably just want to go home right now, and I’m sorry kasi kung kailan may sakit ka saka ko naisip sabihin ‘to, but I really meant what I said earlier.”

Chanyeol paused, and Baekhyun felt like he needed to at least give a response, so he nodded.

“And I’m not forcing you into anything, and alam ko namang parehas nating hindi priority ito at the moment, but…”

“I really care about you. So much.” Chanyeol continued. “I just want you to know that.”

* * *

After that day, you could say something has changed between Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Well, it’s not like there was more na dapat magbago because their friends have seen the big leap, pero they’ve become much more comfortable about it. And one could really see na they weren’t trying to hide anything na, and we’re both just going with the flow.

But that’s on the bright side.

“So kayo na ba?” tanong ni Jongdae kay Baekhyun habang kumakain sila sa McDo bago umuwi. Galing kasi silang graduation practice, at bitter na bitter si Baekhyun dahil naubusan siya ng mamon na pameryenda sa kanila.

Umiling lang ang kaibigan, sabay sawsaw ng fries niya sa gravy.

“Friends nga lang kami.”

“Bakla ka! Third year palang tayo, linya n’yo na ‘yan tapos after nung ganap niyo sa bahay namin, friends pa rin?!” his friend replied na dinugtungan pa nito ng pabirong irap.

_‘Yon na nga eh_ , Baekhyun wanted to say. _Ang dami nang nangyari,_ _pero friends pa rin lang sila._

“Ano ba kasi talaga sabi ni Chanyeol?” Jongdae asked.

Baekhyun shrugged.

“Na he cares for me,” Baekhyun answered, making it sound na parang wala lang ito. “ _So much_ pa nga raw.”

“Kalahating taon na ‘yang caring caring na ‘yan! Gagraduate na tayo huy!” Jongdae exclaimed. “Baka naman hinihintay ka lang. Ano ba kasi usapan niyo ha?”

“Honestly? Wala. Hindi rin naman kasi namin priority lalo na nung nagsabi siya nung third year, Dae,” Baekhyun explained. “Saka kita mo naman! Dumuduty ako tapos acads pa. Saka alam mo ‘yon, parang that time kasi, hanggang kaibigan lang talaga ako. Hindi lang sa point of view ni Chanyeol, sa sarili ko rin. I cannot be anything more than a friend that time. Like sobrang nakapatas buhay ko noon. Natakot nga ako baka tanungin niya ako noon eh! Buti nalang hindi kasi, Jongdae, hihindi talaga ako! Ang friendship!”

Tumango-tango ang kaibigan sa kwento niya. He thought he’d stop asking na, pero this is Jongdae right here— kung hindi siya ang konsensya ni Baekhyun, siya ‘yong kamay na babatok sa ulo niya tuwing tatanga-tanga siya in life.

“So paano ngayon?” Jongdae asked.

"Huh?" Baekhyun replied, asking Jongdae what he meant.

“Paano ‘pag tanungin ka na?”

* * *

Hinila ni Kyungsoo si Baekhyun papunta sa kung nasaan sina Jongdae.

“Saan ka ba galing? Kanina ka pa namin tinetext ni Jongdae!” pagsermon ng kaibigan habang mabilis na naglalakad.”Kailangan na nating magpicture kasi mamaya madilim na, pangit na!”

Maya-maya pa ay tanaw na niya si Jongdae kasama ang pamilya nilang tatlo.

“Jusko, Byun Baekhyun!” sigaw ni Jongdae kahit medyo malayo pa sila. “Hanggang graduation ba naman, ligaw ka pa rin!”

They took a lot of pictures, pati pictures kasama ang families nila. This has been the trio’s dream. Gusto nila magkakasama ang family nila sa araw ng graduation nila. Hindi na rin maalala ni Baekhyun kailan at bakit nila ito napag-usapan, but somehow, being there and actually being able to fulfill the promise made that day feel even more worth celebrating.

“Nasaan kaya sina Chanyeol?” biglang banggit ni Jongdae habang inaayos nila ang pila para sa march.

Napalingon si Baekhyun upon hearing Chanyeol’s face. He has been looking for the boy since he arrived pero wala pa ring pakita ito. Nagtext naman ito sa kanya kaninang umaga, but the message has only made him more anxious

_“Congrats, Baek! ‘Wag mo kalimutan ang medalSSSS mo ah, flex natin ‘yan lahat. See you later. May sasabihin ako sa’yo. Ingat!”_

Normal naman ang message ni Chanyeol. Nakuha pa nga niyang biruin ang kaibigan tungkol sa mga nakuha nitong medals na kailan lang ay iniyakan ni Baekhyun nang malala. Paano ba naman kasi, _cum laude_ na sana siya, may isang subject lang na epal. But now, it’s funny how hindi na ‘yon naiisip ni Baekhyun at the moment. He just couldn’t help but think about what Chanyeol has to say.

He was looking for a chance to talk to Chanyeol throughout the ceremony pero hindi nakatulong na Byun ang apelyido niya, at Park naman ito dahil sobrang magkalayo ng chairs nila. Hindi naman pwedeng magpagala-gala habang may program.

After ng program, nagdecide ang parents nilang tatlo nina Jongdae at Kyungsoo na sabay-sabay nang magdinner sa labas, kaya agad nilang hinanap sina Sehun at Chanyeol para sana ayain ang mga ito at pati na rin ang families nila. Saka wala pa silang picture lima.

Sakto namang nakita nila ang dalawa sa lobby na pinipicturan ng mama ni Sehun. Agad lumapit ang tatlo.

“Sali kami!” sabi ni Jongdae.

“Huy, kanina pa namin kayo hinahanap,” sabi naman ni Sehun.

“Kayo kaya ang nawawala!”

Agad namang nagsabi ang Mama ni Sehun na magpicture na silang lima. Finally, may complete picture na rin ang barkada.

Habang nagkwekwentuhan, dahan-dahang lumapit si Chanyeol, at kung hindi pa kinulbit ni Chanyeol ang palad ni Baekhyun ay hindi niya ito mapapansin. Sumenyas si Chanyeol sa kanya na pumunta sa kung saan, kaya nagpaalam si Baekhyun kay Kyungsoo na nasa tabi niya.

“Soo, five minutes, may sasabihin lang daw si Yeol.”

Laking pasalamat ni Baekhyun na hindi na nagtanong pa ang kaibigan at tumango nalang. 

Sumunod lang siya kay Chanyeol hanggang sa umupo ito sa isa sa benches sa lover’s lane ng campus.

_Ano ba naman ‘to_ , naisip ni Baekhyun. _Sino bang nakaisip ilagay ang lover’s lane sa tapat ng chapel?!_

“Congrats, Baek,” bati ni Chanyeol sa kanya.

“Para kang tanga,” sagot ni Baekhyun. “Congrats sa’tin.”

Nag-fist bump pa ang dalawa, na sinundan ng awkward nilang tawa.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol were never awkward around each other. Siguro n’ong araw na umamin si Chanyeol kay Baekhyun na special ito para sa kanya na ang pinaka-awkward na pagkakataon para sa kanila. After that, Baekhyun thought na may mag-iiba, pero they were both cool and chill about it.

Until that damned post-graduation ganap.

“So ano uling sasabihin mo?” Baekhyun said.

Chanyeol didn’t answer for a while, and Baekhyun wa really worried. Kasi kung wala lang talaga, bakit parang kinakabahan din si Chanyeol?

“I know you probably don’t care about this, but I just really want to say it,” Chanyeol started. “Alam ko rin na we still have our board exams coming, and more or less four months nalang naman ‘yon, pero this really means a lot to me.”

Saglit na nagflashback sa utak ni Baekhyun ang tanong ni Jongdae sa kanya a week before. _Paano kung tanungin na siya ni Chanyeol ngayon?_

For the past week, Baekhyun has thought about it. He has sorted things out inside his head. Kung handa na ba siya. Kung kaya na ba niya. And most especially, kung gusto niya ba talaga.

He has liked Chanyeol for a long time now. Nang sinabi ni Chanyeol sa kanya na he was special, maybe he already likes him back then. But Baekhyun didn’t want to cross the line after that. The feeling of _liking_ someone is something he has complete control over. But just one step ahead of that means he was willing to be taken over by emotions and the immense fear of losing.

But then it wasn’t that hard. It’s not like he had to change something. Because looking back now, he realized he had already crossed that line. He has already taken that leap. He has just not accepted it in himself yet.

But this time, he knows. And he is sure. This time, he is ready.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol said, snapping him out of his trance.

“Go lang,” Baekhyun replied, trying to sound at ease kahit na halos lumuwa na ang puso niya palabas ng dibdib niya sa hindi niya maintindihang dahilan.

Chanyeol sighed heavily.

“I want you to know na this doesn’t mean I have changed my feelings for you or anything. I still care about you. Hindi magbabago ‘yon,” Chanyeol continued. “It’s just that… with the board exams coming and an unsure future ahead, I just want to focus on myself this time.”

* * *

“B, ‘til what time ka?” tanong ni Minseok na hinuhugot na mula sa plug ang charger ng laptop niya, ready nang umuwi.

“Baka mga eight pa? Or nine?” sagot ni Baekhyun. “May due ako bukas eh.”

“Sige, una na ako ah,” sagot nito habang sinusuot na ang backpack niya. “Eto oh, iwan ko na. Kung sino man sa inyo ang hindi na tatayo d’yan para magdinner.”

Iniwan nito sa may table nito ang supot ng Tim Hortons, at nagpaalam. Tumayo naman si Baekhyun bitbit ang tumbler niya para magrefill ng tubig.

“Sabay na ako,” sabay tayo naman ni Irene, ang isa pa niyang katabi.

Yesterday marked Baekhyun’s first year sa work. After board exams, fortunately, even with the very low national passing rate ay pumasa pa rin ang limang magkakaibigan with Kyungsoo being one of the top 10 takers. However, for some reason, nagkahiwa-hiwalay rin sila after nito.

Kyungsoo pushed through with going to Dubai kung saan nagwowork na as an OFW ang mama niya. Matagal na rin naman kasing plano ng mama nito na kunin na si Kyungsoo. Si Sehun naman ay deretsong nag-law school. Baekhyun worked as a tax consultant sa isang firm in Makati. While Chanyeol and Jongdae applied at the same firm, both working as auditors pero under different teams. 

Although pare-parehas na nasa Makati sina Jongdae, Baekhyun at Chanyeol, bihirang-bihira sila magkita. Kahit nga sina Jongdae at Chanyeol na iisang building na nga lang ang pinagtatrabahuhan ay hirap pa rin makahanap ng common time to even eat lunch together. Nakakatawa nga na sa bus pa pauwi nagkita noon sina Jongdae at Baekhyun after months of not meeting.

Maraming times talaga na mabigat ang workload nilang lahat kaya hindi magtagpo-tagpo ang schedules nila, and Sehun has been really busy with studying. Syempre it’s not like Kyungsoo can go home whenever he wants to. Kaya they were never really complete everytime magpplano sila ng meet-up.

And Baekhyun and Chanyeol has never really talked during the past year.

The last time na nagkita sila ay noong nag-aapply ng trabaho si Baekhyun. Nahuli kasi siya sa pag-aapply since pinili n’yang magpahinga muna for a month after their oathtaking. He applied sa firm kung saan nagtatrabaho na noon sina Chanyeol at Jongdae, and nagulat nalang siya nang makita niya si Chanyeol sa HR office habang hinihintay niya ang evaluation ng manager na nag-interview sa kanya. He didn’t even know kung paano nalaman ni Chanyeol na may interview siya that day. May dala pa itong iced coffee para sa kanya. _Baka nadulas si Sehun na naghatid sa kanya doon sa office that day dahil natatakot siyang maligaw. Eto yata ang karma niya sa pagmamakaawa niyang samahan siya kahit marami pang kailangang reviewhin si Sehun._

“Musta?” bati ng kaibigan.

It was awkward. _Everything_ has been awkward since graduation.

“Okay lang,” he answered. “Ang taray nung manager, parang ayaw niya sa’kin.”

“Bakit ka kasi sa tax department nag-aapply?” Chanyeol asked. “Ayaw mo ba kasama ko?”

The question caught Baekhyun off-guard. Honestly, plano na naman talaga niyang sa tax department mag-apply kahit noon pa. Bukod sa ayaw niya ng extra heavy workload kapag busy season ng audit, he thought na working sa tax department would help him kapag papasok na siya sa law school.

And Chanyeol knew that. He had been very vocal about it since college. So he doesn’t get why Chanyeol had to ask that question. 

And he hated it. Because Chanyeol sounded exactly like how he used to in college. Baekhyun hated it because Chanyeol made it sound like he actually wanted to be with Baekhyun.

_When he is already with someone else._

It was a good thing that Baekhyun’s recruiter suddenly called him. He immediately stood up, and mumbled a goodbye. He also made sure that Chanyeol saw him throwing the cup of coffee he gave at the nearest trash bin. _If only he could spill his feelings out on a trash can like a cup of coffee, he would. Definitely._

They never saw each other again after that encounter. Hindi rin alam ni Baekhyun na it was possible not to bump into Chanyeol for a year when they are literally an underpass away from each other. Pero siguro, umaayon lang talaga ang mga bituin sa kanya.

“Nagdinner ka na ba?” tanong ni Irene sa kanya, habang hinihintay siyang makapagrefill.

“Nag-iwan si Min ng sandwich ata eh,” sagot naman ni Baekhyun. “Baka ‘yon nalang kainin ko. Hati tayo?”

Tumango naman ito, “Hindi, ubusin mo na. Bili nalang siguro ako mamaya sa baba.”

Baekhyun thought na masyadong mabait ang tadhana sa kanya for the past year. Because he was trying to avoid Chanyeol, hindi niya tinanggap ang offer ng firm na pinapasukan nila ni Jongdae. He ended up working sa competitor firm ng mga ito. And it was a blessing in disguise. He considers his work one of the best things that has happened to him in the past year. He found friends within his colleagues, and although minsan medyo tambak ang workload, he likes na he’s learning a lot of things from his work.

When they got back to their seats, bubuksan na sana ni Baekhyun ang sandwich na iniwan sa kanya ni Minseok when his phone vibrated to notify him of Jongdae’s message

**favorite kapitbahay:**

Baekhyuuuuuun

**favorite trikemate:**

uy why?

**favorite kapitbahay:**

hehehe nasa office ka pa ba

**favorite trikemate:**

yup why

**favorite kapitbahay:**

spare me 30 mins? dinner tayo kahit jollibee lang dito sa baba namin pls

**favorite trikemate:**

ano meron

**favorite kapitbahay:**

may chika ako fresh from dubai

irerelay ko lang ang balita sayo

g ka ba

**favorite trikemate:**

ofc g

kita nalang tayo sa jollibee

save us a seat bababa na ako

Bihira lang mag-aya si Jongdae kumain nang biglaan, and Baekhyun could use a thirty-minute break off work.

“I, kainin mo na ‘to oh kaysa bibili ka pa,” sabi niya kay Irene, handing her the sandwich. “Inaya ako ng bestfriend ko magdinner eh. Will be back din agad.”

Jongdae was already occupying a table, at mukhang naka-order na rin ito para sa kanilang dalawa nang dumating si Baekhyun.

“Inassume ko lang na ‘di ka pa rin nagbabago ng order,” agad na sinabi ni Jongdae.

Napatawa nalang si Baekhyun. Tandang-tanda pa rin ng kaibigan ang order niyang C3 na breast part ang chicken with extra rice.

“Libre ba ‘to?” pagbibiro niya kahit na kumukuha na siya sa wallet ng pambayad.

“Oo, libre ko na ‘yan kasi inaya kita rito.”

Baekhyun laughed at agad na tinabi na ang wallet niya. Sino ba naman siya para tumanggi sa libre.

“So kumusta? Anong chika?” tanong nya habang kumakain sila.

“Alam mo ba na hindi ako makapaniwalang mas marami pang nasasagap na chismis si Kyungsoo kaysa sa ating dalawa!” mabilis na sinabi ni Jongdae.

“Oh ano ngang nasagap ni Kyungsoo?”

Binaba ni Jongdae ang utensils niya, at uminom sa kanyang coke.

“Okay, ready ka na ba?” Jongdae started. “‘Di ba friends si Jongin at Hyerin noong college.”

“Oh so fresh from Dubai ang chika pero galing ding Pilipinas?”

“Shut up ka muna! Kinwento nga kasi ‘to ni Jongin kay Kyungsoo,” Jongdae continued. “Alam mo ‘yang si Jongin, mas chismoso pa kaysa sa jowa niya.”

Baekhyun continued eating habang nakikinig sa kwento ni Jongdae.

“Bale, nagkainuman daw kasi ‘yong college barkada nina Jongin last week. Kita mo ba sa IG? Nag-BGC ata sila?” sabi ni Jongdae. “Tapos ayon, sabi raw ni Hyerin, never naman sila nagbalikan ni Chanyeol!”

“Huh?” Baekhyun replied. “Eh ano ‘yong review! Eh halos si Hyerin na ang reviewhin niya n’on! Kay Sehun na mismo nanggaling!”

“I know right! Hindi na nga natin halos makita si Chanyeol noon, tapos of the very few times na makakasalubong natin siya, with Hyerin pa.”

“Oh tapos?”

“Sabi ni Kyungsoo, ganyan din daw reaction niya noong marinig niya from Jongin ‘yon, pero sabi ni Jongin, sabi raw ni Hyerin, they tried pero wala na raw talaga.”

Baekhyun stayed quiet for a while. 

“Well, it doesn’t really change a lot of things kung hindi naging sila,” sabi niya. “Ang funny lang kasi sabi niya sa’kin noong graduation, he’ll focus on himself muna. Tapos biglang he was trying with someone else? Why didn’t he try with me?”

Jongdae just looked at him, not knowing how to react or what to say.

“Pero whatever, okay na naman now,” Baekhyun said, trying to brush everything off. “Sobrang weird na sa iba natin nalalaman ‘to, ano. Kaibigan ba talaga natin si Chanyeol? ‘Di naman ‘yan ganyan dati eh.”

“Alam mo naman ‘yon!” Jongdae replied, laughing.

He wanted to tell Baekhyun na Chanyeol has always been like that. Hindi makwento about his personal life and his relationships, and kay Baekhyun lang siya iba. Kay Baekhyun lang siya nakakapagsabi noon. But of course, that cannot be the case anymore.

* * *

After a long and tired week na araw-araw siyang nag-oovertime, Baekhyun finally decided to go home a little earlier that Friday. Pero maling desisyon ito. Naglalakad palang siya sa gitna ng Ayala Triangle ay tanaw na niya ang haba ng pila sa sakayan.

He was about to go back to office para magtrabaho nalang sana uli ( _at least bayad pa ang OT_ , he thought) nang marinig niya ang pangalan niya.

“Baek!”

He looked back and saw Chanyeol, smiling brightly at him. _Wow, tumangkad ba siya?_ was the first thing he thought upon seeing his friend for the first time in a while.

Chanyeol jogged towards him.

"Uy," Baekhyun casually replied. "Long time no see!"

“Saan ka?”

“Uuwi na sana,” Baekhyun answered. “Kaso ang haba pa pala ng pila. Friday nga pala.”

“Free ka ba?” Chanyeol suddenly asked. “Or may need ka pang gawin?”

Baekhyun thought for a while. Halos gusto na niyang batukan ang sarili niya kasi hindi niya agad maprocess ang mga nangyayari.

“Okay lang naman,” he replied. “Bakit?”

Chanyeol smiled even brighter at his response.

“Dinner tayo?”

It has been a year since they last saw each other and since they last talked, and Baekhyun realized na kahit marami nang nagbago kay Chanyeol, his friend is still almost the same.

Chanyeol still hates mayonnaise, but he likes onions now. Tahimik pa rin siya, pero malawak pa rin ngumiti. Hindi na siya tulad ng dati, hindi na _sila_ tulad ng dati, but somehow, Chanyeol can still make Baekhyun feel at ease.

“Kumusta work?” Chanyeol asked.

“Okay naman. I’m happy with work, I guess,” Baekhyun replied. “No plans of resigning yet. Ikaw?”

Chanyeol laughed at his reply.

“With plans of resigning,” sagot nito. 

Baekhyun just nodded. Mabilis talaga ang turn-over ng workforce sa audit firms, and Baekhyun isn’t surprised na gusto nang magresign ni Chanyeol.

“Ano balak mo after?” he asked.

Chanyeol looked at him na parang nakakagulat ang tanong niya, before he shrugged, “Ewan ko.”

They spent the night just talking about everything and anything. Unlike Jongdae, Kyungsoo and Sehun kasi na kahit hindi niya madalas nakikita ay nakakausap naman niya, he never really had a chance to talk to Chanyeol. They have this very long list of things to talk about and to catch up on. It felt as if unending ang mga pwede nilang pag-usapan. 

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

r u home

**baek-ed mac:**

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

OH MY GOD

HAHAHAHAHAH CHANYEOL

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

huh

anong nakakatawa

nakauwi ka na ba

**baek-ed mac:**

HAHAHAHAHAHA

OO NASA BAHAY NA AKO

HAHAHHAA KASI NAMAN

LUMPIANG CHAN-HAI KA PA RIN DITO

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

amp akala ko kung ano

baek-ed mac ka pa rin 

**baek-ed mac:**

NAPAKACORNY NATIN

OH MY GOD ICB PUMAYAG AKO RITO

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

idea mo kaya to

**baek-ed mac:**

peak kacornyhan

ang babaw ng kasiyahan ko dati jusko

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

oo nga

tapos

di pa kita napasaya

“Puta,” Baekhyun muttered under his breath upon reading Chanyeol’s response.

_Okay, kalma,_ he told himself. _Sus, it’s been years. Wala na ‘yon._ He typed in his reply, trying to sound cool about what his friend just said.

**baek-ed mac:**

GAGO

HAHAHAHAHAHA

ok na libre mo nalang akong gelato next time

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

ok

kahit ilang scoop pa

pati next dinner

**baek-ed mac:**

HAHAHA

ok good night

i sleep now

happy friyay u rest also

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

oks

night! 

rest well baek-ed mac

* * *

_“By the Rive Piedra I Sat Down and Wept”_ ni Paulo Coelho ang paboritong nobela ni Baekhyun. He has read it for over a hundred times (okay, exagge), saulo na niya ang opening paragraph nito. Pero he is a shame sa lahat ng mga taong may paborito at nakabasa na nito because how could he forget the most important line in that whole one hundred and eighty pages of learning.

_“Love is a trap. When it appears, we see only its light, not its shadows.”_

Baekhyun should’ve known that one dinner with Chanyeol was a trap. Because one dinner led to another and another and another until it wasn’t just dinner anymore. Until they started getting coffee together during work hour breaks, until they started going home together, watching movies together.

Until it felt exactly like how it did years ago.

“So mukhang napapadalas kayo ah,” Jongdae said, one Saturday na nagkayayaan sila ni Baekhyun magcoffee. "Halos araw-araw sa stories mo ha."

“Kaya rin ako nagyaya eh,” Baekhyun replied. “Kailangan kita as my conscience.”

Jongdae laughed. 

“Gaga, ano na? May feelings na ba uli?”

Baekhyun bit his lip. Six months of being with Chanyeol almost every other day, he may have realized na the time when they weren’t together, he never really forgot. Because all those time he spent moving on, he was only burying all the feelings he had for him deep down. He didn’t know that he has silenced his heart for a long time only so it could be so loud once Chanyeol finally decides to come back.

“Alam mo, para ngang hindi nawala eh,” Baekhyun answered honestly. “Parang pinagpahinga ko lang siya for a long time tapos battery full na siya ulit ngayon.”

“Putang ina, malandi ka!” Jongdae exclaimed. “So may sinabi na ba si Chanyeol?”

“He’s been acting like how he did before. He’s vocal na he cares about me and that he wants to make me happy, pero hanggang doon lang. And Jongdae I’m scared.”

“Of losing him again?” Jongdae asked.

Baekhyun shook his head

“No. If there’s one thing I learned from what happened between us in the past, it’s that there’s something more terrifying than losing. This time, I am afraid of _almost having_. And there are a lot of things I am unsure about.”

“But you seem so sure about your feelings, Baek,” komento ng kaibigan niya. “At least that’s how I see it ha.”

“I am sure about my feelings, Dae,” he answered. “But that’s it. That’s the only thing I am certain of. I am just so unsure of myself. I know I love him, but it’s hard having to love like this. I am constantly haunted by my doubts. Na what if maulit ‘yong dati? What if hindi pala siya sigurado? Ang hirap na alam ko sa sariling kong disposable ako. Because when he left, I always questioned myself kung saan ako nagkulang, kung saan ako kulang. And it’s hard having to question myself everytime.”

Jongdae sighed.

“You know what, Baek,” he started. “I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve seen you when not only your love but also your friendship with him fell apart. Pero remember what I’m about to tell you. Ilagay mo ‘to d’yan sa utak mo at puso mong marupok. Loving blindly is not good. Mali naman ‘yong tuloy ka pa rin sa feelings mo kahit kita mo nang mali na at unhealthy na. Pero you also have to keep in mind na you don’t have to be sure about everything kapag nagmahal ka. Sometimes you just have to know which love is worth taking the risk for.”

Baekhyun was right. Jongdae knows exactly what to say.

“Sabi ko na nga ba, hindi lang kita konsensya, alarm clock din!” Baekhyun replied, laughing.

“Okay, so ngayong gising ka na, may chika uli ako fresh from Dubai!”

“Bakit ba laging ikaw ang binabalitaan ni Kyungsoo ng chismis niya,” Baekhyun said. “Isend niyo naman sa groupchat!”

“Bakla, mamaya mo na awayin si Kyungsoo, listen to me first!” Jongdae said.

“Okay, go on,” Baekhyun answered, taking a sip from his coffee habang hinihintay ang kwento ng kaibigan.

“So napag-alaman ko na... Chanyeol’s leaving.”

Halos maibuga ni Baekhyun ang vanilla sweet cream cold brew niya sa narinig.

“Nagpa-refer daw ito kay Kyungsoo noon. Sa Dubai,” Jongdae continued. “Medyo matagal daw kasi talaga ‘yong process, and nakiusap din si Chanyeol sa kanya na secret muna hangga’t hindi pa sure dahil ayaw niyang ma-jinx. Anyway, natanggap daw si Yeol. Ang alam ko sa 18 ata ang alis? Or 28? Pero hindi ako sure ha! Basta may eight, ang tanda ko!”

“Anong 18? Next week na ‘yon ah!” Baekhyun said, looking at the calendar on his phone. “Hoy baka naman hindi. Bakla, magpaPasko? Alangan namang sa 18 na? One week before Christmas?!”

“Hindi ko sure, okay! Baka fake news ‘yong date! Pero… just ask him.”

  
  


That night, Baekhyun spent hours contemplating kung kakausapin ba niya si Chanyeol at anong sasabihin niya rito. Ilang beses na siyang nagtatype at nagdedelete sa chatbox nila. _Bakit ba ang hirap?_

Pero even before he could come up with something to say, a message from Chanyeol popped up.

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

good evening

ano sasabihin mo

**baek-ed mac:**

HA

ANONG SASABIHIN

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

kanina ka pa typing

kita kita

**baek-ed mac:**

…

…

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

ako nalang muna

hehe 

**baek-ed mac:**

may sasabihin ka rin?

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

yes

pero ok lang tom?

nasa makati ka ba?

dinner?

**baek-ed mac:**

yes oki

im in makati

where?

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

ayala tri?

di ba nagccrave ka ng camp curry last time?

**baek-ed mac:**

ok

bukas nalang din sasabihin ko ah

sleep na me im tired

i met jongdae today

**lumpiang chan-hai:**

oki

see you tom

good night

  
  


Baekhyun instantly found Chanyeol pag pasok niya sa loob ng restaurant the next day. They ate quietly which is unusual since they’ve talked a lot tuwing lumalabas sila for the past months. When they both finished eating, Baekhyun couldn’t contain it anymore, so he started.

“Punta ka raw ng Dubai?” he said, trying to make it sound casual. “‘Di ka man lang nagkwento.”

Chanyeol’s eyes widened for a second before he asked, “Kyungsoo told you?”

Baekhyun shook his head.

“Kay Jongdae niya sinabi. Jongdae told me,” he explained. “Was that what you were supposed to say?”

Chanyeol nodded, “And there's something else."

"Okay, sige, go."

Chanyeol slightly bit his lower lip, and looked down on Baekhyun's hand on the table, avoiding the other's gaze.

"I just feel like I needed to say this, and you have to hear it," he started. "I'm sorry. I know this is long overdue, pero I'm sorry. I was a jerk, and there's no excuse for that."

Baekhyun laughed.

"Buti alam mong gago ka! Iyak na iyak ako noon, sa halip na board exams lang iniisip ko, pati 'tong bwisit kong puso!" Baekhyun said half-jokingly.

"I'm really sorry," Chanyeol repeated. "And 'yong kay Hyerin... that's another jerk move."

"Dalawa pa kaming ginago mo in a span of six months, Park Chanyeol!"

"Alam ko this is not an excuse pero the review days has been really difficult for me," he explained. "And I needed someone. Ang hirap palang mag-isa. I had you, pero tanga ako, so I was left with nothing. And Hyerin was there."

Baekhyun nodded, "Have you talked to her?"

"Hmm," Chanyeol replied. "I told her right before boards. Nakakatawa kasi alam niya. Ramdam niya. Ganoon ako kagago."

Baekhyun chuckled.

"All's okay with me now, Yeol. As long as you know na, and you've learned. Okay na ako. Okay na sa'kin. Don't beat yourself too much about it."

Chanyeol smiled apologetically.

"Still, I'm sorry," he said.

"Just don't do that again," Baekhyun replied, to which Chanyeol nodded.

"Lesson learned," the taller answered, promising. "Uhm, so 'yong sasabihin mo?"

Baekhyun hummed, before taking a deep breath and collecting all the courage he has in him.

“You know I still like you, right?” he said.

Chanyeol looked completely taken aback by what he just said, and was about to say something, but Baekhyun spoke again.

“If you’re not aware, then yes, I still love you,” he clarified. “And maybe this is just me assuming but before I continue, you like me, right?”

Chanyeol was still surprised by Baekhyun’s honesty, but he managed to nod.

“Okay, that’s good. At least hindi ako delusional,” Baekhyun continued, mostly talking to himself. “Please know that I’ve thought this through, and I am sure about what I am going to say. I am not asking you to stay here. Go wherever you want to. But I don’t want you to go and let you go at the same time. Does that make sense? I just…”

Baekhyun stopped for a while, thinking of what exactly it is that he wants to say.

“I just want to take this risk, Yeol,” he finally said. “But I can’t risk this by myself. Will you… take this risk with me?”

Chanyeol finally let go of the breath he was holding.

“You know I asked you out tonight because I cannot just leave knowing I’m taking my heart with me when the one it’s beating for is right here.”

“Corny,” Baekhyun whispered as he blushed.

“Okay,” Chanyeol mumbled.

“Okay what?”

"You know I may still be _gago_ sometimes. I don't know a lot of things," Chanyeol said. "I may do or say things I don't mean. I may be too angry or too oblivious or too complacent or too comfortable. I may hurt you even though I don't want to. I never really cared about someone this much before, and I don't know how to do things right. I am scared and unsure. Do you really want to risk it with me? When I am like this?"

"Yes," Baekhyun instantly answered, not missing a beat. "A hundred percent, Yeol. I know it's gonna be difficult. I'd be lying if I say na hindi ako takot. God, I ranted to Jongdae about this messed up fear of almosts and self-doubt. But you know what he told me?"

Chanyeol looked up at Baekhyun just as the latter paused.

"That we do not have to be sure about everything when we love," Baekhyun continued. "We just have to know which love is worth taking the risk for."

"And Yeol, I am willing to take this risk because no matter what happens, I know this is worth it if it's with you. But I cannot be risking this alone. So I'm asking you if you'd like to take it with me."

Baekhyun and Chanyeol walked out of the restaurant hand-in-hand. And exactly when they were in the middle of the park, the lights went on.

“Hala, first time ko ‘to makita mula simula,” Baekhyun said, looking around him, admiring the lights. “Aaaaah I love Christmas.”

Baekhyun was looking around when Chanyeol called him.

“I forgot to tell you something,” Chanyeol said.

"Meron pa? Ang dami mo naman palang sasabihin today!" Baekhyun joked, and then waited for whatever Chanyeol was about to say.

“Just… thank you,” the taller started. “Thank you for being the hand that saves me everytime I get too brave to swim on high waters only to end up drowning.”

Baekhyun’s heart was about to explode at Chanyeol’s sudden confession.

“Ano ka ba, huy! Ako lang ‘to!” he said, trying to light up the mood.

“Sorry, pasmado ako ah? Ni hindi kita mahawakan na sigurado akong hindi dudulas ang palad ko. But thank you for being the one to hold on tighter.”

"Para kang tanga!" Baekhyun said, pushing Chanyeol lightly.

Chanyeol just looked at him, eyes full of adoration, and Baekhyun smiled at him lovingly.

“Listen, Yeol,” he said. “No matter how far the waves take you, no matter how far you wanted to go, kapag gusto mo nang umahon, o gusto mo nang magpasagip, nasa pampang lang ako. May dala pa akong towel. Tapos bukas ang mga bisig, handang yakapin ka kahit pa basang-basa at amoy dagat ka. Okay?”

Chanyeol smiled back, holding Baekhyun closer.

“Okay,” he answered.

Baekhyun leaned in and closed the small gap between them, kissing Chanyeol with all the love he has kept in and tried to forget. And Chanyeol held him tightly, trying to make up for the time he had wasted and let go of. Because at the moment, they didn’t care about the number of people or how beautiful the lights were or whatever it is around them that they were missing. With their doubts and fears thrown at that back of their minds, and the past and its mistakes set aside, all that mattered at that moment was the fact that they were in each other's arms, risking it all for a future they are unsure of and a love they are certain about.

**_fin._ **


End file.
